Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
