I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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