thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
