...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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