just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
