I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
