Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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