Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
