I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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