So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.