the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt