Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...