I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL