Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!

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  (214): Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first! http://tfl.nu/apjf
  Replies (3) Good night (2079) Bad night (610)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail

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  (801): Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail http://tfl.nu/5fc6
  Replies (47) Good night (4681) Bad night (1054)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.

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  (803): you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila. http://tfl.nu/o38m
  Replies (36) Good night (1377) Bad night (6359)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.

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  (305): Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high. http://tfl.nu/4ptt
  Replies (36) Good night (7904) Bad night (1397)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.

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  (330): now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before. http://tfl.nu/kk2m
  Replies (14) Good night (2641) Bad night (1141)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.

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  (907): I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/8kf2
  Replies (13) Good night (4415) Bad night (908)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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  (518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop
  Replies (3) Good night (1328) Bad night (600)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose

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  (262): You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose http://tfl.nu/d8zc
  Replies (6) Good night (1586) Bad night (893)
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  (916): View more from California

  Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.

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  (916): Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again. http://tfl.nu/rten
  Replies (8) Good night (1413) Bad night (629)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home

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  (403): If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home http://tfl.nu/j953
  Replies (10) Good night (2072) Bad night (469)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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  (+61): Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers http://tfl.nu/a2tk
  Replies (7) Good night (1145) Bad night (448)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.

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  (281): Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice. http://tfl.nu/w31k
  Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (270)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.

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  (919): Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts. http://tfl.nu/b7ik
  Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (347)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...

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  (603): I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly... http://tfl.nu/93wn
  Replies (0) Good night (1200) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It was 11pm.

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  (248): The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!" (248): It was 11pm. http://tfl.nu/57s5
  Replies (0) Good night (594) Bad night (377)

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