My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.