Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories

(239): View more from Florida

He could rock you to sleep

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(321): I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories (239): He could rock you to sleep http://tfl.nu/6xlx

Replies (28) Good night (3946) Bad night (1111)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

bitch so ugly she owes me an erection

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(919): bitch so ugly she owes me an erection http://tfl.nu/ldn1

Replies (29) Good night (795) Bad night (4695)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

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(816): I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding. http://tfl.nu/1j8r

Replies (12) Good night (1289) Bad night (4806)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did he notice?

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

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(267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng

Replies (83) Good night (1787) Bad night (10056)
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(765): View more from Indiana

he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

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(765): he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law. http://tfl.nu/4onk

Replies (13) Good night (6030) Bad night (990)
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(260): View more from Indiana

He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.

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(260): He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again. http://tfl.nu/91lg

Replies (17) Good night (943) Bad night (2857)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you

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(262): he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you http://tfl.nu/6gzr

Replies (6) Good night (768) Bad night (2329)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

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(480): I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends. http://tfl.nu/9x75

Replies (11) Good night (805) Bad night (3423)
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(801): View more from Utah

Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"

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(801): Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night" http://tfl.nu/sbyz

Replies (7) Good night (1749) Bad night (521)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.

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(731): He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver. http://tfl.nu/fyob

Replies (8) Good night (2060) Bad night (498)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her

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(319): Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her http://tfl.nu/ievl

Replies (4) Good night (493) Bad night (2148)
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(410): View more from Maryland

It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.

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(410): It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole. http://tfl.nu/8vko

Replies (16) Good night (680) Bad night (2109)
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(813): View more from Florida

Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner

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(813): Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner http://tfl.nu/zbhu

Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (248)
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(562): View more from California

Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.

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(562): Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works. http://tfl.nu/5yc6

Replies (3) Good night (218) Bad night (530)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.

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(314): I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done. http://tfl.nu/w2o8

Replies (0) Good night (793) Bad night (207)

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