One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch