Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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