Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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