You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
