I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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