I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
