She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
