I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
vagina is talking i cant
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
