Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
