she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
