This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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