is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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