I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
