I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
420 ftw
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
