the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
