But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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