Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have post one night stand depression
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