The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
