So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
