I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
