So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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