I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Found the puke drawer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
