Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
