It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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