I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
