Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
