TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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