Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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