Where is the hickey?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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