I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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