A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
