If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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