Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
