I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
