dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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