be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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