a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
