now i know why i became what i already was.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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