I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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