My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
