Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
