My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
