im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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