Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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