Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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