i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
