Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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