NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
