Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
