His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
