So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
