Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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