see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
