a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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