i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
