Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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