Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Are we still banned from the library?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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