i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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