The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
