im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
