covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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